"I fall in love too easily.
I fall in love too fast.
I fall in love too terribly hard.
For love to ever last.
My heart should be well-schooled.
Cause I've been fooled in the past.
But still I fall in love so easily.
I fall in love too fast."
Do the lyrics of the song 'I Fall in Love Too Easy' describe you?
If so, you may be suffering from love addiction, which is the quick, easy, and frequent apperance of romantic feelings.
An article published in the journal Personality and Individual Differences 2024 (by D.N. Jones) summarises the latest study on love addiction.
At present, it is still unclear what causes love addiction. However, since highly relationship-obsessed individuals often ignore alert signals in the process of meeting people who are attracted to them, love addiction may be related to personality traits such as risk-taking and impulsivity, as well as to cognitive tendencies such as attentional biases and memory distortions.
From a physiological point of view, the answer to this question may also be related to hypersensitivity caused by excessive oxytocin secretion. Oxytocin, often referred to as the love hormone, is associated with bonding, trusting and caring behaviours.
I. How Can We Measure Love Addiction?
Love addiction (formerly known as polyamory) can be measured on a scale consisting of 10 questions related to polyamory.
The tester is asked to answer: how much they agree with the first 9 questions, and the 10th subjective question and answer:
1. I fall in love easily.
2. It takes a long time for me to develop romantic feelings.
3. I feel a romantic connection very quickly.
4. I like the feeling of falling in love.
5. I am not the type of person who falls in love.
6. I often have romantic connections with more than one person at one time.
7. I have fallen in love with more than one person at one time.
8. I often fall in love.
9. I enjoy love by leap.
10. How many people have you loved in your life?
II. What Is and Isn't a Love Addiction?
To understand love addiction, it is important to first clarify the difference between 'wanting a romantic relationship' and 'needing a romantic relationship'.
Most high-degree love fetishists enjoy experiencing the rush/pleasure of falling in love, which they find very enjoyable, funny, and rewarding.
In contrast, those in need of a romantic relationship feel more of a fear of loneliness and a craving for dependence, so they are more vulnerable to anxious attachment.
Despite these differences, there is a correlation between love addiction and anxious attachment because we are likely to confuse what we want with what we need.
Other than that, love addiction has been linked to sociosexuality. Most people tend to have sex with people they love, i.e. people with more restricted sociosexuality are less inclined to engage in casual sex, preferring to have more love, commitment and emotional intimacy before having sex with their partner. However, people who are more socio-sexually unrestricted are more willing to establish short-term sexual relationships and are more willing to have sex under a circumstance without love, commitment or intimacy.
Another difference, as Jones notes, is that a love fetishist is different from a hopeless romanticist. The latter's belief in "meeting a soul mate and overcoming obstacles to be together for life" is different from the love addicts' enjoyment of the momentary rush and thrill of falling in love.
III. The Good and the Bad of Love Addiction
High-degree love addiction is associated with a number of negative behaviours, such as cheating, engaging in unprotected sex, having sex outside of marriage, and ignoring alert signals in a relationship (boundary-crossing behaviours, controlling behaviours, gaslighting effect, etc.).
Moreover, high-degree love fetishists tend to be attracted to people with Dark Triad (DT) personality traits, especially narcissists. This is because narcissists are usually charming, confident, and likable in short-term relationships.
Additionally, low-degree love fetishists (fidelity to feelings) can pose some problems. It can make it more difficult to move on/recover from unexpected events such as infidelity, divorce, or the death of a spouse. Because falling in love often takes a long time for low-degree love fetishists, refreshing from a breakup can also feel like an insurmountable challenge.
