It is said that when a woman falls in love, her IQ becomes zero, especially when it's love at first sight, and her IQ can fall to below zero in a moment.
This is just the case with 30-year-old Lian Lian.
When she saw her "Mr. Right" at a recent friends' gathering, her whole heart melted, like a popsicle not to be put in the freezer in time.
Handsome and gentle, he is also funny and will take care of the people around him, and he shows the thoughtfulness and consideration a gentleman should have when he treats Lian Lian, whom he has just met at the party.
What a Mr. Perfect! Lian Lian also felt that he enjoyed talking to him, and after the party, he also asked for her phone number.
What kind of feeling was that?
Lian Lian silently shouted in her heart --- I finally did not wait in vain!
Relationships have not been smooth for her, coupled with the family's urge to marriage, she did not expect in the year when she was 30, she can still get lucky in love. What does it feel like? It's like an irresistible feeling after being electrified, an exciting feeling where hormones spray out, and a feeling of a deer longing for love in the heart, jumping back and forth to escape, ready to seize love!
After the party, Lian Lian's life has another important job --- waiting.
Of course, she was no stranger to "waiting".
When she was in school, she waited for graduation;
When she graduated, she waited for work;
And when she worked, she waited for a reliable boyfriend.
However, this time, the "wait" lets Lian Lian feel more purposeful, and more anxious but more a hint of sweetness.
A few days passed, Mr. Perfect did not contact her, Lian Lian tried to take the initiative to dial the phone to greet him. He seemed to be quite enthusiastic, chatting about his recent business trip, and asking about the recent situation of her. The richly magnetic baritone voice from the other end of the phone makes her heart jump more fiercely.
However, when the phone hangs up, there is no follow-up for many days. Lian Lian consoled himself: he must be too busy at work, must be engaged in too many things to have time to chat. Perhaps he has his own some unspeakable pain ......
From an observer's point of view, it is very likely that Lian Lian is "self-indulging".
Maybe she really believes love, or maybe she knows it deep down --- she just doesn't want to admit it:
A person's response and attitude towards you fundamentally depends on the intensity of his or her feelings towards you, and even if there are all sorts of disturbances in the real world, the real love will allow each other to try to overcome them and give the most positive and timely feedback.
If you want to know the real attitude of the other person towards you, speculation may not be really accurate. Frank face-to-face communication is a better way.
But for a girl like Lian Lian, the more she is trapped in love, the easier it is for her to escape from the truth, and she prefers to look at the other person in her own imagination rather than the real one.
This kind of self-indulged state and strong obsession is also called empathy in psychology.
Empathy is a way of projecting one's subjective feelings and relationship patterns onto the other person, rather than seeing the real person. Any romantic, love-at-first-sight encounter that leads to a quick fall in love can be seen as a form of empathy.
Empathy may be ubiquitous and unavoidable in all intimate relationships.
But when there is a significant imbalance in a relationship,
where one side is only willing to remain in a state of ambiguity
rather than push the relationship further.
How do you judge and deal with this situation?
You need to have a deeper understanding of yourself and the relationship.
When a person finds a lot of excuses for the other side to rationalise the way others treat him or her, it may be a kind of self-indulgence.
For example, Lian Lian and her Mr. Perfect, even though they are attracted to and appreciate each other and are strongly infatuated with each other, it may be another form of self-indulgence. Because it takes a long time and process to truly understand and see the other side, and when you don't know what the other person is really thinking and feeling, all that sustains your fantasies about the other person are your own inner feelings and expectations.
If you really want to see what it means to be self-indulged, it's even more important to know yourself.
Because subconsciously,
a person who has been emotionally unfulfilled since childhood
will often choose a partner who does not satisfy him/her.
If it's hard to feel fulfilled internally,
the partner is also prone to put the other side into an unfulfilling relationship,
which is a kind of subconscious compulsive repetition.
Like a woman tired of marriage and intimacy, she will have a strong sense of dissatisfaction in her life, which will cause her to have certain needs and expectations, and if this expectation is so strong that it can obscure her understanding and knowledge of others, it will make her fall into a state of self-indulgence.
Just as you can't wake up a person who is pretending to be asleep, so if this kind of wishful thinking is the self-satisfaction needs of Lian Lian, even if she knows in her heart that her Mr. Perfect doesn't like her that much, but in order to maintain an illusion of escaping from the truth, she can always find a lot of seemingly reasonable reasons for herself and her Mr. Perfect.
Another characteristic of unfulfilled people is that
they have difficulty taking the initiative to move forward and take control of a relationship,
and are usually more passive,
waiting for someone else to see and satisfy them.
They also tend to place a high value on another person's commitment to them,
and it seems that the impetus for their relationship lies wholly in someone else's hands.
This also reflects the deep-seated distrust and uncertainty about being satisfied and seen.
If there is a new step in the relationship between Lian Lian and her Mr. Perfect, and he gives her a certain promise, then Lian Lian is likely to continue in her "one-woman show" by a romantic and sentimental interpretation.
One's experience and grasp of humanity, as well as knowledge of oneself, can help one to see what is happening in an intimate relationship.
Seeing what type of person one is attracted to
and what emotional patterns one quickly falls into
depend on how well one understands one's own feelings,
what one will do in a relationship,
and what exactly makes one connect with someone who is wooing around and ambiguous.
