Individuals who have experienced CEN often exhibit the following:
They always seem to misread his or her emotions. For example, they say "I'm not angry" when they are clearly angry. They say "I'm happy" when clearly unhappy.
They also often misread your emotions, the child's emotions, or other people's emotions; they have poor vocabulary for describing his or her feelings;
They can't tolerate a conversation marked by conflict, argument, and upset; and often seem irritable for some unapparent reasons;
In the face of your complaints or certain unhappiness, they constantly emphasise that they are happy and joyful in the relationship; they never seems to realise that there is some key element missing from your relationship (emotional connection);
The good news is that people who have suffered from CEN can be changed and "cured".
Firstly, you need to learn as much as you can about CEN. Once you feel that you have a better understanding of CEN, you can tell your partner why you are often unhappy in the relationship. You need to do your best to explain to your partner what CEN is, why it affects a loving family/relationship like yours, and why it's not a single person's fault.
Secondly, ask your partner to learn about CEN, tell them how important it is to you, how much you love them, and how you want them to seriously deal with it and pay attention to it. Generally, people who have suffered from CEN are more sympathetic to the real suffering of others, so you don't have to hide your request. Let they see that you are suffering due to this distress, but not in a way that blames, accuses, or challenges them. Express your feelings and needs honestly and openly, but be sure to remain empathetic at this point, as you recognise that these demands are actually very difficult for him.
Then, when your beloved one begins to try to understand CEN, be sure to express your gratitude to him. There will be a wide range of reactions as he begins to deal with the invisible "trauma" of the past. During this process, you need to be openly and positively communicating with your partner.
Finally, study with your partner, read specialised books on how to deal with CEN in intimate relationships, and acquire more practical skills. This will help deepen your relationship and teach you more and better ways to communicate.
In addition, when you are facing and dealing with these issues together, if you encounter more difficulties, you can also try to find a family therapist. Professional counsellors know more about CEN and are well versed in the various techniques used to deal with problems in the family. With the help of a professional, you will be better able to deal with these issues.
It is important to remember that your partner may be just as confused as you are about what is going wrong. When you try to deal with these issues with your partner, you are "inviting" his or her emotions into your relationship and changing those painful messages that your partner received in childhood. At the moment, you are replacing them with your own message.
This message is filled with love, healing and connection.
The message is:
Honey, your feelings matter to me.