Psychology's understanding of the concept of "self" can be said to be complex, with different schools of thought having different perceptions.
Generally speaking, the understanding of the concept of "self" can be roughly divided into two categories.
One group believes that the self is fixed and unchanging after adulthood, and tends to look at the self from the perspective of the individual, emphasising that people should be faithful to their own selves;
The other group believes that the self is constantly evolving even in adulthood, that the self is relational, that different relationships develop different selves, and that the self belongs to a larger community.
There are two questions that reflect the difference between these two perceptions.
The first cognitive question is "Who are you?"
It is as if there is a fixed you to explore and discover, and that I am separate from you;
The second cognitive question is "How are we becoming other than who we already been?
This question does not draw boundaries between you and me; we are always evolving and changing, and we are still changing whether we want to or not.
Since we are always evolving and changing, what indeed is influencing our change?
We live in specific social cultures, each of which has some dominant values, beliefs, customs and standards that are regulating our thoughts and behaviours and influencing the kind of person we grow to be.
Narrative therapy refers to these dominant values, beliefs, customs and standards that are taken for granted as correct in specific social cultures as the mainstream discourse.
People regulate and mould themselves according to the mainstream discourses, but rarely think about or question them.
Narrative therapy believes that there are two situations in which people's psychological problems arise.
One situation is when people are unable to live up to the demands or standards of mainstream discourse.
For example if the mainstream discourse holds that men should have successful careers, if a male is mediocre in his career, even if he is very family-orientated, friendly and has a nice circle of people, he will still feel like a failure and feel inferior.
Another situation is when people are able to meet the standards of mainstream discourse, but the impact brought by the process of meeting the standards creates problems.
For example, a person is dedicated to his work and sacrifices his family by being away all the time for the collective good. From the perspective of mainstream discourse, he is a successful person and exemplary. But in his own family, the prolonged absence leads to various problems in family relationships.
If we lack reflection and questioning of mainstream discourse, we will often lose ourselves in trying to reach mainstream standards.
Therefore, what kind of person should I grow into?
This is the "life ethic" of everyone.
When the self is no longer a fixed and unchanging thing, but a moment-by-moment self-plan, we should all be responsible for who we should grow to be.
Narrative therapy calls it "care of self".
If I want to be a 'good person', I need to plan to do 'good things' every moment and to think about the impact of those 'good things' on myself and others.
I need to think about
What are the choices and actions I am taking shaping me as a person?
Is this the kind of person I really want to be?
I need to think about
What discourses in the native culture do I want to follow?
What discourses do I want to modify or discard?
What are my preferred values and beliefs?
When we no longer blindly follow the dictates of dominant discourses,
but develop our own preferred values and beliefs from reflection and questioning,
and proactively act in accordance with those values,
We take the initiative in shaping ourselves,
and thus have more directions and possibilities in our lives.
